FYI - this what happens when your tweet goes viral

FYI - this what happens when your tweet goes viral

From someone who knows...

Twitter is an unruly beast. On paper, it’s the ideal platform for sharing ideas, engaging in meaningful debate and finding like-minded people. In reality, though, it’s a deafening hellscape teeming with millions of angry voices that all furiously agree with themselves. Still, we’re all on it, idly flinging our every thought into the echo chamber in pursuit of the #numbers.

And then one day your phone pings. You’ve got a couple of RTs. Nice. Then a couple more. Then someone with a decent following picks it up and suddenly your notifications have gone berserk. Congratulations, you’ve gone viral. Now strap yourself in because things are gonna get weird.

 

Just throw your phone away

Or at least put it down for the foreseeable future - and for Christ’s sake turn your email notifications off. Despite your best efforts you won’t be able to keep track of everything while your tweet is still in its contagion phase, and your phone probably won’t be able to cope, either. And I mean literally. A friend of mine went viral with a picture of a cat (obviously) and her phone basically chimed itself to death.  Honestly,  I haven’t a clue how celebs do it.

Don’t question the hivemind

‘But why that tweet?’ you’ll ponder. ‘Why, when I make so many astute observations on the state of the humanity, does the world choose to applaud my opinions on marmalade?’ I hear you, pal. I once tweeted a picture of John Oliver making a comment about hats and captioned it simply with ‘This’. Seven and a half thousand RTs, that. My digital legacy, and it wasn’t even my own damn joke. Just try not to overthink it.

The inevitable in-fighting

Someone somewhere is going to find fault with your tweet, and they’ll make it known, because people are big fans of self-righteousness. Then someone else will wade in and disagree with them, and it’ll kick off like Walkabout on Varsity Day. You can’t really escape it, either, since your Twitter handle is tagged in each and every reply. Don’t feel obliged to get involved – they’ll tucker themselves out soon enough.

 

Make way for the ‘didn’t happen’ brigade

The internet is full of FAKE NEWS, I’ll agree with that. And sure, there are lots of instances where people tweet straight-up bullshit. But you could tweet about running out of milk and I guarantee you there’s someone online who’s going to claim it didn’t happen. I tweeted about a couple having an argument in Asda, for crying out loud, and the Didn’t Happen Army were quick to chime in and call me a liar. Which is amazing, frankly, because in what universe does it seem implausible that a couple would bicker over the weekly shop? I’m not sure what their motivation is. Not hugged enough as a child, probably.

Your DMs will get weird

Your 15 minutes in the Twitter hall of fame will attract some baffling correspondence, ranging from innocent enough feedback (‘NICE TWEET LOL’) and those wanting to capitalise on your limelight (‘can you retweet my missing dog poster?’), to the downright bizarre. ‘I like your hair can I buy some of it?’ is really something to wake up to, let me tell you.

Suddenly your ‘personal brand’ is a thing

Chances are your viral tweet will be accompanied by a bunch of new followers, and for reasons probably made clear in Psychology 101 textbooks, you’re going to feel the need to impress them. The tweet that follows your viral masterpiece is like the difficult second album, and you want to keep your fan base happy, right? But while you might feel like you’ve reached the zenith of social influence, I can pretty much guarantee that your new crew hit the ‘follow’ button with the same mindful intention as a child collecting shells on a beach. Interesting for a moment, but quickly forgotten. So just stay true to your personal brand and keep on tweeting about cheese or whatever floats your boat. And anyway, if they can’t handle your worst tweets, they don’t deserve your best! Live laugh love!

 

You become a bit of a reluctant dickhead

‘Did you see my tweet the other day, mate?’ your friend will ask you at some point during the aftermath. ‘Sorry, no,’ you’ll say. ‘I went viral.’ Ugh.

It’ll follow you forever

Your famed tweet will make sporadic reappearances for the rest of your Twitter life. Again, it’s not for me to question how the hivemind works, but it’s quite jarring how a tweet that did moderately well years ago can suddenly resurface with a sprinkling of fresh attention, especially if it involves some ill-advised garbage no longer in keeping with your personal brand (see above). Still, the excitement dies down eventually and you’ll resume the usual ‘cba with today’ Twitter narrative having made peace with your failed career as an #influencer. Unless your tweet finds its way onto a Buzzfeed list, that is, and then the whole baffling process starts again.