Love Island lover Daisy Buchanan looks forward to the week ahead in Love Island...
As always, the Love Island villa has witnessed more comings, goings and sunscreen scented anxiety attacks than Palma airport itself.
Rosie has finally gone, leaving Adam to turn Zara into a broken, weeping wreck within about 72 hours. We’ve gone from believing Ellie is Dr Alex’s saviour to thinking that she’s a more manipulative game player than your Uncle Colin, who was caught with a load of Monopoly hotels in his cardigan pocket on Boxing Day in 2008.
The passion play is hotting up – Eyal and Megan were the first to align their chakras, and Wes and Laura have followed suit after “doing bits” – possibly the most distressing description of sexy times since Borat and, um, “sexy time”.
Even Samira got a snog with new boy Sam! But is it all part of an evil plan to take Ellie off Alex?
Is our golden couple in trouble, now that Jack’s ex is rumoured to be turning up?
And what is going on with Georgia “say my name” Steel and her dubious baking skills?
Here’s what’s we think is on the cards for week four…
1. Ellie will admit that she’s really gone off Dr Alex, and she’s only ever been in it because she’s hoping for a lifetime supply of Elastoplast, surgical gauze and that super strong Cocodamol they only ever sell you over then counter if you touch your back and wince as though you’re on the brink of tears.
2. Now that Samira has got a snog from Sam, she’ll reveal that she’s been playing a game all along – she wants to perform a full musical in the villa and star as the romantic heroine, and there are loads of things that rhyme with Sam, like ham and, er, jam. She’s also going to get Eyal to do a solo from the hippy show Hair – he can bang a tambourine and sing The Age of Aquarius.
3. Wes and Laura’s on again/off again relationship will take a turn for the worse. Laura will make him a Do Bits Society membership card in order to dramatically throw it into the fire pit.
4. A chance conversation about Paloma Faith will result in Adam learning about people with ginger hair. The shock of the discovery will result in him spending 48 hours in the corner of the bedroom, muttering and rocking back and forth. “You mean, there are more than two types of women?” he’ll cry. “How do I even know what my type is now?”
5. Now that Jack and Dani are official, they will be helicoptered off the Island in order to have a ceremonial First Row in a Spanish Ikea. They will kiss, make up, and come back with a thousand tea lights, a very narrow bedside table that is just about big enough to hold a glass of water, and take away meatballs for all.
6. After leaving the villa, Rosie will become a millionaire entrepreneur by teaching a series of seminars called “Looking out for love rats: How to avoid Adams.” Through some semi legal jiggery pokery she will produce Adam’s birth certificate and we’ll find out that he is, in fact, 38.
7. Megan will reveal that Eyal is into tantric sex, and he was so "in the zone" that she had time to pop out for a hot chocolate and a newspaper in the middle of things.
8. After her slightly odd baking efforts, Georgia will be snapped up by a controversial diet brand and will make a series of unappetising creations designed to put people off cakes for life.
Most likely to leave the villa next: Adam, Adam, Adam oh PLEASE let it be Adam
Most likely to be told off for leaving the hideaway in a bit of a state: Eyal and Megan. No, you can’t just burn some incense, you need to change the sheets and leave the windows open.
