Love Island 2018 week 2: Who'll find love and who'll be on a flight home? Daisy Buchanan consults her crystal ball...
We’ve been hopelessly devoted and addicted to Love Island 2018 for a week now, and it’s already been more terrifying, thrilling and dramatic than our entire gap year - including the moment where we went to the doctors with the symptoms of a Victorian STI only to discover we’d been struck down with a case of sand-up-the-bum.
The only thing we can possibly predict is that what goes on in the villa will be totally unpredictable. We’ve lost Kendall, we’ve learned that sex god Adam is muggier than your Mum’s Emma Bridgewater collection, and we’ve discovered that new girl Georgia is… um… called Georgia, dropping her own name so often that we’re wondering if someone's sponsoring her a pound a time to do it. We’ve got new girls and boys – Charlie, who’s had an online flirt with Samira, Josh, the sports presenter who is so hot that Adam visibly gulped before saying “I’m not worried”, and Georgia, who nearly fell over Niall’s eyes on her way in after they fell out of his head.
Just what is going to happen next? Here are some serious and silly suggestions…
1. Kendall will come back after the public organise a guerrilla vote to have her return to the island, while Adam is folded up into her wheelie case and sent into the sea.
2. Rosie will announce that she’s really in the villa to get publicity for her line of ultra unflattering lipsticks – with product names including Wet Cement, Dog Poo In The Country and I Drank A Whole Bottle Of Wine Last Night And Didn’t Brush My Teeth Before Bed.
3. We’ll learn the truth about Samira’s past with new boy Charlie – that after they found each other on a dating app, he accidentally sent her a load of aubergine emojis and was too mortified to contact her ever again.
4. Alex will suddenly realise he has a serious rival for Samira’s affections, and he and Charlie will have a dance off in the villa. Both men will do The Robot and The Worm, Samira won’t be able to choose, and they will form the first Love Island thrupple.
5. Hayley will be cast off the island by Eyal at the end of the week, and she’ll be so shocked and angry that she’ll accidentally pronounce his name properly.
6. On leaving, Hayley will be offered Boris Johnson’s job and become the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. Under her policies, the UK will continue to have access to trade deals as long as we give all of our trees to France.
7. Niall’s drooling lust for new girl Megan will get so intense that he’ll have to spend two days locked in the bedroom on a rehydration drip. Alex will become a national hero, nursing him back to good health.
8. Eyal will be faced with a spiritual dilemma when he is haunted by three ghouls – the ghosts of love past, present and yet to come. (The first ghost will be one of his exes with a bedsheet over her head.)
9. After being bollocked for spilling Hayley’s secrets, Wes will become paranoid and refuse to open his mouth unless it’s to snog Laura.
10. Georgia will say something horrible, followed by “but that’s just me! I’m Georgia!” 5,782 times. And that’s just by Friday.
11. Dani will get caught wandering around in the night, stealing all of the other Islanders’ sunglasses, and gluing them together to make a giant pair bigger than her head, that doubles as an emergency life raft.
12. New boy Josh will use his sports journalist skills to bring peace to the Island by organising a mini World Cup. Jack will be surprisingly good at football, scoring goal after goal by grinning at his opponents and blinding them.
Most likely to leave the villa on Friday: Hayley
Most likely to leave the villa if we got to fly to Majorca, stage a coup and become Island Dictators: Adam
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